Cortisone

Well, I went to the podiatrist today for my follow up visit from two weeks ago and he was a little concerned that I was still feeling pain, even though I have not ran a step since I saw him. "Sounds like we should take an X-ray!" So, down the hall I went to do a little foot modeling. Lo and behold, my little right foot put on a show. Not one, not two, but three little jagged bone spurs now make my heel bone sparkle and a hot inflamed plantar fascia stole the show. At least there was no little cracks in the heel bone.

Of course the first question out of my mouth was, "How soon can I run?" In which the doc responded with, "Do you want the needle?" No hesitation.

Now, I have had several cortisone shots before and I am well acquainted with that hot, burning liquid oozing into your every fiber of enlarged nerve endings, but today was one new adventure I was not prepared for! As the nurse unsheathed the blade of flaming juice to penetrate my flesh and bone, I gasped at how long the instrument of torture was. Then when the doc prodded my unsuspecting muscular structure, I could have swore I was going to both crap and piss blazing fluids. Holy sweet mother of all that is good, that stinking hurts! My nostrils flared. My sphincter tightened. My tongue swelled. Sweat formed on my brow as my life flashed before me. Grunting and moaning, hoping nothing came out as a wildebeest in heat, I clenched the armrests of the medical chair, hanging on to a thread of pride in order to not cry. With every plunge of the needle, I prayed that I would not need any toilet paper as I writhed in place. Nothing like a grownn man straining to keep his entrails and their contents in their proper place. Finally, after what seemed an infinite course in the demonstration of ancient torture techniques, the slithering metal snake slipped from my heel and I could once more breath.

So here is hoping that by the end of the week I will be able to run a few miles each day for a week or two and be back to full training soon. So, I raise up a toast to you old magical friend to athletes, cortisone, and here is hoping that your potion of healing will do its trick. This old man is itching to get back out there on the trails, canals and soft surfaces.

As always, stay healthy, keep running, and here is hoping that you will never have to experience the cortisone blues.